Love―a feeling, a gesture, a choice. It’s a complex weave of emotions, actions, and commitments that can bring immense joy and fulfillment to our lives. But what does it truly mean to love and be loved in return? Is it enough to know we are loved, or do we need to feel it in our hearts and bones to thrive?
Take a moment to reflect. How did you experience love in your family of origin? If you have children, how are you raising them now? Are they growing up feeling the love you have for them, or do they simply know it in an intellectual sense?
The Nature of Love
A woman I once met shared a story about her childhood. She told me, "My parents always made sure I had everything I needed―food, clothes, an education. But I don't remember them ever hugging me or telling me they loved me."
"How did that make you feel?" I asked.
She hesitated, then admitted, "I always knew they cared, but I never really felt loved. It was like love was something practical, not something warm or comforting."
Her words struck me. Can love exist without emotional connection? Is it enough to know, or do we need to truly feel it in our bones for it to shape us into whole, secure beings?
From a Buddhist perspective, love is maitri, a wish for others to be happy. It is unconditional, without expectations. Love, when cultivated fully, consists of four elements:
- Loving Kindness (Maitri): The ability to offer happiness to oneself and others.
- Compassion (Karuna): The capacity to help remove suffering.
- Joy (Mudita): Sharing in another’s happiness without envy or attachment.
- Equanimity (Upekkha): A calm, balanced approach to relationships, free from clinging and fear.
Many forms of love fall short because they are built on need, expectation, or possession rather than on these qualities. Love that clings, demands, or seeks validation often leads to suffering. But love that gives freely, fosters growth, and exists without attachment―this is true love.
Taoism adds another layer to our understanding. Love, according to Taoist teachings, cannot be fully captured in words. “The love that can be spoken of is not the constant love,” says the Tao Te Ching. Love, in its truest form, is fluid, adaptable, and rooted in self-worth.
Taoism teaches that true love is about harmony and balance. Self-love (Ch’ang) is the foundation―only when we nurture our own energy can we extend that nourishment outward. In relationships, love should be expansive, allowing both partners to grow without fear of judgment. It is not about control but about giving and receiving freely, embodying the principle of wei wu wei―effortless action. Love flourishes when it is not forced, but allowed to flow naturally.
Feeling Love vs. Knowing Love
It is one thing to know we are loved; it is another to feel it. Children who grow up intellectually understanding that their parents love them but never feeling that love in a deep, embodied way often struggle with emotional regulation, confidence, and purpose. Love, when truly felt, creates a foundation of safety, trust, and belonging. It allows a person to develop into an independent adult who can navigate life’s challenges with resilience and grace.
Being loved means:
- Feeling seen, heard, and understood.
- Receiving support, encouragement, and kindness.
- Experiencing a deep sense of belonging.
- Knowing, without doubt, that you are cherished.
If we are to raise a generation of intuitive, confident, and spiritually connected individuals, we must do more than love our children―we must make sure they feel that love. The same is true in all relationships.
Love in Action
How do we ensure our love is truly felt? It starts with presence. Love is not just in words or grand gestures; it is in the moments we show up, listen, and hold space for another’s heart. It is in the way we touch, the tone of our voice, the light in our eyes when we see someone we cherish.
To cultivate love in its purest form:
- Be present. Love is in the moment, not in the past or future.
- Give freely. Love is not a transaction; it is a gift.
- Allow growth. Love is not about holding on, but about supporting expansion.
- Practice self-love. Only when we honor our own worth can we truly love another.
- Trust the flow. Love, like life, cannot be forced. It must be allowed to unfold naturally.
Your Reflection
Now, I invite you to reflect:
- How did you experience love in your family of origin? Was it unconditional, or was it tied to achievements, expectations, or conditions?
- If you have children, how are you showing love to them? Do they feel your love in a way that nurtures their spirit and confidence?
- In your relationships, do you give love freely, or do you unconsciously attach expectations to it?
- Most importantly, do you love yourself in the way you wish to be loved by others?
Love as a Path to Wholeness
Love is not merely something we seek―it is something we cultivate within ourselves and radiate outward. When we truly embody love, we become a source of healing, strength, and inspiration to those around us. Love is not just a feeling or a gesture; it is a journey of deep connection, intentionality, and presence. It is the force that weaves us all together, beyond words, beyond time―constant, eternal, and whole.
May you walk in love, may you feel love, and may you become love in all that you do.
If this journey of love and self-discovery has stirred something within you, I invite you to go deeper. Join my course, Heal Your Inner Child, where we will uncover and transform the patterns of love and emotional connection that shape your life. Through guided healing, intuitive practices, and deep self-reflection, you will learn to fully embrace and feel love in its most authentic form. Your journey to wholeness
